“It has almost been four years, and I learned a lot of things on my own. There have been hardships and a rollercoaster of emotions. But you face life and you learn to keep their memory alive and do things that will make them proud.
What Nobody Tells You After Losing A Parent
1. Grief and pain do NOT stop
You believe that your sadness will ultimately pass and time will heal. That is the worst thing I could have imagined. I thought if somehow I could make it through the first few months, the pain would be gone. I thought if I made it through all the stages of grief, I would no longer be grieving.
Your heart will hold all of your sentiments and emotions, and they will never go away. I can say that some days you accept it, and other days you go through the grieving process once more. There is no rhyme or reason, but your heart will always feel sad when you think of them.
2. You will have one less person at all your important events
I didn’t realize when my dad pαssєd αwαч that he wouldn’t be present for my prom, graduation, college move, future marriage, or the birth of my future children. Now that I had prom, graduated, and moved away to college, it certainly breaks my heart.
Without one of the most significant men in your life, you still have to go through life. It’s really challenging. He wasn’t there to see me get all dressed up like a princess for prom, walk across the stage to get my diploma, and then see me drive 1,200 miles away from home for college.
As for my wedding, I am not ready to be an emotional mess when I can’t have him walk me down the aisle, and he will never meet his grandbabies he would’ve had. It’s tough, but you learn to be tougher.
3. It’s okay to admit you’re not okay
I had to cope with many silent battles to keep myself strong for other people. When your dad díєs, life isn’t easy, and it’s acceptable to be honest and share your feelings with someone else. Nobody said losing your dad was ever going to be easy. Your world flipped, and you are now facing something you never wanted to face.
4. Nothing will ever be the same again
You walked through life with him by your side (15 years for me), and you will always have that void in your heart you know shouldn’t be there. But you learn to replace the void with memories you shared. Every holiday, birthday, and ‘death date’ will always leave you a little extra broken-hearted. Traditions will change, and family functions will always be different. You can hear other people telling you, ‘He is proud of who you became,’ but it hits differently.
You would certainly rather hear it coming from him instead.
5. You will have constant worries your next loved one is going to pass as well
I imagine an infinite amount of times in my mind during the day where there’s a possibility that I might be living without a loved one tomorrow. You constantly worry someone you couldn’t imagine being next will come.
In reality, you lost one of the most important people in your life, so you never know what could come next. I can’t picture a life without my mom or my brothers, and I don’t want to live to see the day where they join my dad in heaven.
6. You have a completely different perspective on life
You truly do have a shift in perspective, and you’ll be living each day to the fullest. You discovered that life may end in the blink of an eye, so appreciate and be thankful for the people and things you now have in your life. I could not tell you how many times I told people to cherish what they have.
Many people are lucky enough to walk with their parents by their sides through everything in life, but I just hope they never take it for granted because now I wish I made the most out of everything with my dad. I didn’t expect to lose him when I was 15 years old.
7. It still feels like a dream
From the day he díєd till today, there are moments when I feel like my entire life has been a nightmare. It is inconceivable to genuinely go through this. Even though your heart knows it shouldn’t be happening and that it’s wrong, it did. Everything from the day you found out until saying good-bye still is not realistic. I still feel angry and bitter that a little girl should not have to lose her father. But it is not a dream, and it is actually real life.
8. Bad memories will pop in and out of your head
The recurring memories of me saying farewell at the hospital will come flooding back whenever I’m having a brief depressive episode. Even if I don’t want to visualize it, it keeps coming back to me. The surgery, the hospital visits, the funeral… just everything.
You wish you could turn off your head when it goes like that, but unfortunately, you can’t. I can still hear the words I said to him while he was brain dead in the hospital. I still remember my mom telling me what the doctors said… and being so frustrated with it.
9. The relationship with your siblings changed
This one is actually a really crazy thing for me. As always, my siblings and I would constantly argue and fight with one another, but now, you all are going through the same exact thing. You all are young. You lean on them for support and guidance, and they do the same back. It’s hard, but you learn how to walk through life together and be extremely grateful for one another.10. God gave you strength.
As sucky as losing a parent is, your strength overpowers every emotion you have. You have been through the absolute worst in life and now, your only option is to be strong and keep living day by day. It was never your ideal situation, but you conquer it and learn the values of it.
Life is not sunshine and roses at all. It can be rainy and cloudy. Don’t expect to live a perfect life until the day you díє because life has its way of throwing you curveballs when you least expect it. It’s not easy, and it will never be. But keep being great and doing the absolute best things you can do.”
