There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour.
Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying
The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking.
Here, I’ll buy you another drink
I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”
“No, it’s not that,” the man replies, wiping his tears,
“This day is the worst of my life
First, I oversleep and I go in late to my office.
My outraged boss fires me
When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen.
The police say they can do nothing
I get a cab to go home, and when I get out, I remember I left my wallet.
The cab driver just drives away.
I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener.
I leave my home, come to this bar, and just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison.”
Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground
So large that they can’t see the bottom of this hole
“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.
The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole
They wait and listen…
… 30 seconds pass and still not a sound.
“Wow!”, they both exclaim
“Let’s try something else.”, says one man to the other.
They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen… still nothing.
“My goodness! How deep this hole must be!”, says one man
“Let’s try that huge log over there.”, says the other.
Again, with a struggle, they haul this huge log to the hole, and roll it in.
As they wait and listen, and seemingly out of nowhere, a goat runs up and jumps in the hole.
As they both look at each other in shock, they hear a tractor coming across the field.
Shortly after, a farmer arrives, and asks, “Either of you boys seen my goat?”.
“Yeah!”, they both exclaim
“One just came by and jumped in this hole!” The farmer sits back and tells them…
… “No, no
Couldn’t have been my goat
My goat was chained to a huge log.”
A frustrated housewife bought a new pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to arouse her husband and spice up their dead s*x life.
After cooking his favorite meal for dinner one evening.
She had put them on under a revealing short skirt and relaxed with a glass of wine on the sofa directly across from where her husband was sitting in his chair.
After several more glasses of wine and at what she thought was the appropriate moment, she uncrossed her legs just wide enough so that her husband could catch a revealing view.
It wasn’t long before his eyes focused on the prize and he asked, “Are you wearing crotchless panties?” “Y -e-s,” She answered coyly with a seductive smile. ” Thank God!” he said, ” I thought you were sitting on the cat.” He never saw her glass of wine coming.
A trucker walked into a truck stop café and gave his order.
He said, “I’ll have three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards.”
The new blonde waitress, eager to do her job well but puzzled by the request, went to the kitchen and asked the cook, “There’s a guy out there who just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards. Does he think this is an auto parts shop?”
The cook chuckled and explained, “No, no. Three flat tires are three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two sunny-side-up eggs, and running boards are two slices of crispy bacon.”
Relieved, the waitress nodded and returned to prepare the order. But before serving it, she had an idea. She grabbed a bowl of beans and added them to the tray.
When she placed the food in front of the trucker, he looked at the bowl of beans and asked, “What are the beans for?”
With a bright smile, she replied, “Well, I figured while you’re waiting for your flat tires, headlights, and running boards, you might as well gas up!”
A trucker stops at a red light and a blonde catches up to him.
She knocks on the window and says, “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.”
The truck driver simply ignores them, the light changes and he walks down the street.
At the next traffic light, the blonde catches up and says, “Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load.”
He ignores her again and walks down the street.
At the next red light, the blonde takes a breath, knocks on the window, and says, “Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load.”
The trucker looks at her and finally, he says, “Hi, my name is Kevin, it’s snowing, and I’m driving a salt truck.
