A joke my pastor told this morning at church
A woman has a he@rt att@ck. During this, she d*es and meets God.
“Will I d*e?” she asked.
“No,” God replied, “You will live for another 40 years, 2 months, and 8 days.”
At this instant, she snapped back alive. After the he@rt att@ck, she decides to make the most of her life.
She gets a face lift, liposuction, and a tummy tuck. She even gets a surgery to change the color of her hair.
After her final surgery, she walks out and gets hit by a car and d*es. When she goes up in heaven and meets God, she’s steaming.
“What was that!?” she asked.
“What?” God responded, “You died.”
“You said I would live another 40 years!”
“Oh.” God thought for a while.
“I didn’t recognize you.”
Read more…
The Nun Stayed WAY Too Calm At The Doctor’s OfficeÂ
A young nun goes to the clinic for her routine annual physical. The physician on duty is a young doctor known for being a bit of a prankster. Seeing the nun look so serious and solemn, he decides to play a little joke on her.
After a few routine questions, the doctor looks grave and says, “Sister, I don’t know how to tell you this… but your initial test results show that you are two months pregnant.”
The nun doesn’t gasp, panic, or cry. She simply sits there calmly, closes her notebook, packs her purse, and stands up to leave. Shocked by her lack of reaction, the doctor quickly calls out:
“Wait, Sister! Aren’t you shocked or terrified? Don’t you want to say anything?”
The nun turns around, looks him dead in the eye, and gently says:
“Oh, I’m not scared. I’m just thinking about the convent’s maintenance man. He always told us that the grease he used on the altar candles was top quality. Turns out, he lied.”
