Before retiring, my colleagues and I very comfortably discussed what to eat in the evening, where to go on the weekend and what to do when we no longer need to go to work. But after a while, I discovered that most people’s beautiful expectations were shattered, replaced by a boring life, more tiring than working.
Most old age worries are related to children and pensions. Children still need their parents’ support to take care of their grandchildren and even pay the mortgage. I am like most parents, when my children grow up, in my eyes they are still just children who need attention.
But the stories around me give me a different perspective on how to live when I get old. The first is an 80-year-old neighbor aunt who is in a wheelchair. This woman helped her 3 sons take care of and raise 5 grandchildren, spending almost her entire life taking care of her family. But after a serious illness that made it difficult for her to walk, both her children and grandchildren were busy with outside careers, with few people coming to take care of her. My aunt told me that she regretted not living a free retirement life and thinking more about herself.
From these realities, I realize that in old age, supporting children is necessary but should only be at a sufficient level. This not only helps children be independent but also gives themselves time to rest and do things they won’t regret. So when I turned 65, I refused three requests from my children to have a more comfortable and happier life.
1. Take care of children for a long time
Since retiring at the age of 55, I go back and forth to my daughter and son’s house regularly to help them take care of their grandchildren. The support of older people helps young couples not be surprised when they first have children, but always appearing by their side is not a good thing. After all, parents are the main ones responsible for their children’s future, and direct education from parents will help children become better in all aspects.
2. Selling a house with my son
After I returned to my hometown, my son intended to take me home because he was afraid that my mother would be lonely and wanted to take care of me in my old age. My son advised me to sell my current house so that my husband and I can buy a larger house where multi-generational families can live together comfortably.
Regarding this request from my son, I directly refused. It’s not because I don’t want to be close to my children and grandchildren, but because I know that there is always a generation gap between young people and older people, and there are many differences in living habits. So being together for a long time will sooner or later cause conflicts.
3. Giving your child too much money
I have always pampered my children since they were young. As long as they wanted me, I was ready to satisfy them. When my children grew up and had no money for living expenses, I often gave them money. However, at the age of 65, after returning home to live on my own, I completely cut off financial support for my children. I still had $30,000 in hand and told myself that even if my children asked me, I would not “take out my wallet” again. This made my children angry at me for a while, but I knew I had a good reason to do so.
Firstly, I am 65 years old and want to save money to use in times of need such as illness. Second, my children are under 40, no longer young, but they lack money and ask their mother for help like children. I need to do this so that they stop relying on their mother and make their own lives. Otherwise, in the future when I am no longer there, your children will have many times more difficult lives.
