The Tax Audit in Heaven
A wealthy businessman who was famously stingy passed away, and his soul flew up to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter looked at his book of deeds, shook his head, and said, “Your record is quite poor. You made hundreds of millions of dollars but contributed nothing to society. I am afraid you do not qualify to enter.”
The businessman quickly argued, “St. Peter, please check again! One time, I personally gave a beggar 50 cents. And another time, I also donated 50 cents to a disaster relief fund!”
St. Peter was skeptical, so he turned to his assistant angel and said, “Please check the accounting ledger to see if these two expenditures actually exist.”
The angel opened the computer, searched for a while, and looked up to confirm, “Yes, St. Peter, it is true. Throughout his entire life, he spent a grand total of exactly 1 dollar.”
St. Peter thought for a moment, looked at the businessman, and turned to the assistant angel, “Alright, give him his 1 dollar back in cash, and tell him to go straight to hell!”
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One morning while his wife was making breakfast, a man walked up to her and gave her a healthy pinch on her b*tt.
He said to her, “If you firmed up your b*tt we could get rid of your girdle.”
The wife was angry but said nothing. The next morning her husband pinched her bre@st and said, “If you f*rmed these up we could get rid of your br@.”
The wife grabbed her husband’s p*nis and replied, “and if you firmed this up we could get rid of the mailman, the gardener, the pool man, and your brother!”
